distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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