My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
