Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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