sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
