Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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