Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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