I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
