Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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