My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
