I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
