Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
