He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
