Yo dont text me then not text me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
