This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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