i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
