guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
