Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
