Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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