I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
