Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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