3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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