tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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