hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
