I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
