Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
