I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
