He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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