I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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