My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
