If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
