im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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