last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
