Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So many bounce houses so little time
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
