areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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