Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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