do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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