I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
