Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I got inside last night via doggy door
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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