Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Randomize
