Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
