I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
