Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
