I should be sponsored by Trojan
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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