"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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