He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
