y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
