planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
