He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
