I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
