i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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