piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
