i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You're like the curious george of whores
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
