I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
