Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
