I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
