i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
